It was almost like I had multiple personality disorder.
I’d transition within parts of myself so frequently, I was diagnosed with bipolar II at the age of 14. In one moment, I’d feel defiant, extreme, and all-or-nothing; in another, I’d be crying in a ball, scared my loved ones would abandon me; in another, I’d feel a powerful rebellion and hold a secret life of promiscuous behaviors.
Every single one of these parts of me had different belief systems, and it almost felt as though I was living a different life as I hopped from one to the other. I stepped onto my path to Limitless as soon as I understood: With my awareness of these parts, I could learn to navigate them.
Since starting this journey, I’ve built my internal and external dreams and am the shiniest, loudest rainbow of anyone I’ve ever met. I have my dream apartment, dream car, dream relationship, my dream career in music and mindset - and most importantly of all, I have inner peace, and the deepest love for myself and others I’ve ever known.
Every single one of these parts of me had different belief systems, and it almost felt as though I was living a different life as I hopped from one to the other. I stepped onto my path to Limitless as soon as I understood: With my awareness of these parts, I could learn to navigate them.
Since starting this journey, I’ve built my internal and external dreams and am the shiniest, loudest rainbow of anyone I’ve ever met. I have my dream apartment, dream car, dream relationship, my dream career in music and mindset - and most importantly of all, I have inner peace, and the deepest love for myself and others I’ve ever known.
It wasn’t mental illness that was really the problem for me. It exacerbated the hell out of things, sure. But it really started with a childhood trauma that led into a spiral of five years of bullying, an attempt I made on my life, a series of connections that led me into repeated sexual traumas, and finally, a relationship full of domestic violence, gangs, drugs and theft that came close to claiming my life for me.
You can imagine that my mental health might suffer in all of that. On top of all of this, my internal parts were out of control, my physical health felt like it was giving up, I was switching from medication to medication, and I was in and out of hospitalizations in a way that felt constant.
Throughout this time, I had one goal: “I’m going to be a famous musician,” I decided at 5 years old. At 16, I made a further declaration. “I’m going to take my life by 25, so I’m going to become a famous musician before then or die trying.”
Throughout my life, I’ve been a glowing sunshine of connection. My empathy used to be so strong that I couldn’t rein it in. The blessing of this was my compassion for others, my yearning to connect, and the energy I shared with everyone around me.
My teenage mind just knew fame was the biggest, best platform for me to reach as many people as possible with my message of love.
My declaration rebounded on me SO. HARD. My driven mind fueled me to develop a Goal Getter Mindset, and I began creating tactics and routines to master my achievement of goals - but it was never enough. If it wasn’t fame, I, frankly, didn’t give a shit.
Not reaching fame by 25 was my first failure at a goal. When I hit 24 and 9 months, I had to face the facts: There was no way I’d be famous by my 25th birthday. I fell into the deepest, darkest depression of my life.
You can imagine that my mental health might suffer in all of that. On top of all of this, my internal parts were out of control, my physical health felt like it was giving up, I was switching from medication to medication, and I was in and out of hospitalizations in a way that felt constant.
Throughout this time, I had one goal: “I’m going to be a famous musician,” I decided at 5 years old. At 16, I made a further declaration. “I’m going to take my life by 25, so I’m going to become a famous musician before then or die trying.”
Throughout my life, I’ve been a glowing sunshine of connection. My empathy used to be so strong that I couldn’t rein it in. The blessing of this was my compassion for others, my yearning to connect, and the energy I shared with everyone around me.
My teenage mind just knew fame was the biggest, best platform for me to reach as many people as possible with my message of love.
My declaration rebounded on me SO. HARD. My driven mind fueled me to develop a Goal Getter Mindset, and I began creating tactics and routines to master my achievement of goals - but it was never enough. If it wasn’t fame, I, frankly, didn’t give a shit.
Not reaching fame by 25 was my first failure at a goal. When I hit 24 and 9 months, I had to face the facts: There was no way I’d be famous by my 25th birthday. I fell into the deepest, darkest depression of my life.
I was hospitalized for the first time in 7 years. I spent 3 days in an isolation room, surrounded by white walls, a hospital bed, a journal, and literally nothing else. All I could do was sit with my thoughts, and in doing so, I started developing the understanding of what it means to have parts inside of us who hold different belief systems.
I reflected on what my story had looked like up to that point, and I found power in it, while questioning the idea that it had to continue this way. What if I wrote my own story? What would that look like?
From there, I began two processes:
I wrote out my dreams, no judgment, no fear, no “How would I do this?” or “Is this possible?” I continued from that point to develop a process of finding and reframing my limiting beliefs so I could become the version of me living those dreams (and here we are!).
And:
I created the space for my parts to speak to me. I didn’t criticize them. I released shame. I had the, “Why aren’t you enough?” voice take a back seat. I didn’t judge them. I learned them and understood them, and in this, I found the key to writing my own story and building my dream life.
In these past two years, my dreams have unfolded and I hold a Limitless, thriving life. I have deepened my understanding of our beautiful minds, and have developed my own program to walk us through that process. I have shifted my mindset from battle to peace. I love myself so damn much, am so super freakin’ loudly myself, and mostly?
I was hospitalized for the first time in 7 years. I spent 3 days in an isolation room, surrounded by white walls, a hospital bed, a journal, and literally nothing else. All I could do was sit with my thoughts, and in doing so, I started developing the understanding of what it means to have parts inside of us who hold different belief systems.
I reflected on what my story had looked like up to that point, and I found power in it, while questioning the idea that it had to continue this way. What if I wrote my own story? What would that look like?
From there, I began two processes:
I wrote out my dreams, no judgment, no fear, no “How would I do this?” or “Is this possible?” I continued from that point to develop a process of finding and reframing my limiting beliefs so I could become the version of me living those dreams (and here we are!).
And:
I created the space for my parts to speak to me. I didn’t criticize them. I released shame. I had the, “Why aren’t you enough?” voice take a back seat. I didn’t judge them. I learned them and understood them, and in this, I found the key to writing my own story and building my dream life.
In these past two years, my dreams have unfolded and I hold a Limitless, thriving life. I have deepened my understanding of our beautiful minds, and have developed my own program to walk us through that process. I have shifted my mindset from battle to peace. I love myself so damn much, am so super freakin’ loudly myself, and mostly?
I Simply Be.
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