*PLEASE NOTE: The following may contain explicit language and content which could be found triggering.*
As I sit here writing this, my body is overwhelmed with fear.
That itch of panic climbs its way up my throat, begging to be released into tantrums, tears, an anxiety attack, or some other unknown. Because that’s what anxiety is, right? Fear of the unknown, fear of the possibilities, assumptions of possible outcomes.
I’m terrified because I feel like an imposter.
If you don’t know me, I’m a badass musician-entrepreneur out of Boston, MA on a mission to spread love and inner peace. My brand and message surround empowerment, and in about one week - Saturday, 2/3/18 - I’m doing one of the most empowering things I can think of: I’m partnering with the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center to host Claiming Our Power: a Fundraiser for BARCC.
What better way to embody empowerment than to guide others through claiming their power, right?
At least, that’s what one part of my brain says.
On the other side, there’s the self-doubt, the Imposter Syndrome.
Who am I? Who am I to claim I know how to help Survivors of abuse? Who am I to claim I can create a space of love and safety? Who am I to admit that, while this is an incredible cause, I am scared shitless to put it all together?
Fear doesn’t feel very empowering, so I haven’t wanted to admit I’ve been experiencing it. The result? I’ve been bordering on panic attacks every time I’ve sat down at my computer. My feet sink deeper and deeper into the quicksand of my mind and I become stuck - stuck - stuck - like a broken record skipping on the same thought, “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this.”
And here we are, a week and a day away from this show, and the way forward has hit me:
Empowerment isn’t about only feeling power and positivity. The best way to claim our power is to love and accept ourselves just as we are, and that includes the positives and the negatives. And here’s the reality: Life includes fear. Instead of saying, “This fear is wrong,” and repressing or ignoring it, I’m choosing to embrace it, to love it, and to share it with you.
So guess what? I’m freakin' terrified. I’m terrified to share my story on stage for the first time. I’m terrified of doing this wrong, of letting people down. I’m terrified what has worked for me won’t work for other people.
And guess what else? As I’ve written this entry, the panic in my throat has begun to settle. I begin to communicate with the fear, to say, “Hey, I hear you. You’re real, legitimate, and okay.” By holding and nurturing the fear, I’m able to break out of my broken record of thoughts and regain my Power.
And this, my friends, is exactly what Claiming Our Power: a Fundraiser for BARCC is about.
There is so much divide. In our country, in the world, on social media, within ourselves. What if we embraced our internal divide? What if instead of frustratedly thinking, “Why do I feel/think this way?” we say, “You know what, Self, I understand why you think/feel that way, and I’m going to work with you.” Whether you’re a Survivor or not, you’ve had moments of self-doubt. On Sat, 2/3 at The Burren in Somerville, we are going to embrace and love all pieces of ourselves, including that self-doubt. I’m breaking the walls down, guys. No perception. No perfection. Just me, sharing myself with you in the hopes that you will feel comfortable sharing and loving your whole selves too.
And with all that said, welcome to the blog series. I’m going to be releasing blog entries leading up to this incredible event - which features musical performances by myself and Boston sensations Jenee Halstead and Ali McGuirk - to share with you. Share my experiences, my story, and why I’m so determined to make a change in the world. Share the realities of how domestic and sexual violence impact the heart and mind. Share thoughts and ideas on how we can mend the state of domestic and sexual violence in our country. Share real, raw feelings and emotions. Strip down the wall social media can create and just be.
If you want to be part of this incredible movement toward societal change and the embrace of self-love, we welcome you to join us on Saturday, 2/3 at The Burren in Somerville. Click here to Claim YOUR Power and grab your ticket! Doors at 5, BARCC speakers at 6, music at 7! All ages.
[If you’re unable to attend and would like to support the cause, please submit donations here.]
I’m ready to claim my power. I’m ready to be raw and real with you. Will you share yourself with me too?